Episode 31

Identifying and Addressing the Four Destructive Behaviors in Marriages

Gottman’s Four Horseman: Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness, and Stonewalling


Are you feeling the strain in your marriage? The silent battles, the escalating arguments, and the disconnection can take a toll. But what if we said that there are four destructive behaviors, identified by Dr. John Gottman, that could be the root cause? These four horsemen – criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling – are lurking in the shadows of your relationship, leading to its slow demise. Join us as we walk through the mucky waters of these behaviors, illuminating their manifestations, and offering ways to address them effectively. We emphasize the role of God in navigating these turbulent waters and share how 30% of arguments between couples are easily addressed, with the other 70% often stemming from these unchecked behaviors.

But it doesn’t stop there. As we delve deeper, we discuss identifying these behaviors and strategizing appropriate responses. We underline the importance of fondness and admiration, even amidst disagreements, and how apathy and stonewalling can crack the foundation of a relationship. Moreover, we stress the significance of self-soothing mechanisms that don’t involve substance use when circumstances become overwhelming. To aid you on this journey, we offer resources from Gottman’s Institute that can help you identify and address these behaviors. Rest assured, with God’s guidance, we can learn to control our relationships and follow His plan, rekindling the warmth, love, and connection that may seem lost. Join us for this enlightening conversation as we seek to save marriages and strengthen connections.

Scripture Mentioned:

Hebrews 12:15
Proverbs 10:12

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Theme music: Dead Winter
Artists: White Bones
Composers: White Bones
Audio source: Epidemic Sound

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