Have you made any of these arrogant marriage mistakes? You should avoid them at all costs, but if you have, don’t fret. We’ll be going over how to repair your relationship after making one of these mistakes and how you can avoid them from happening in the first place.
Intimacy Mistake: Thinking It’s all about you
Intimacy is a key component of a healthy relationship. Instead of focusing on proving yourself to your partner, try getting in touch with them on an emotional level. Focus on making your bond with them stronger by paying attention to their dreams, concerns, and emotions. This will strengthen both your friendship and love for each other. In turn, you’ll have a happier life together!
Communication Mistake: Thinking you already know what is going to be said
One of the most common conflict endings is the feeling of “I’m not being heard.” It doesn’t take an argument for this to happen. It can and usually does happen in the normal flow of daily conversation. Are you cutting your spouse off during conversation because you think you already know what is going to be said? This is an arrogant mistake, and it sets you up for relationship failure. It undermines the connection and causes hurt even if you really do know what is being said. Cutting off your spouse when they are talking says one (or both) of two things to them; (1) You are not important enough for me to listen to you, (2) There is nothing that you have to say that I don’t already know.
Instead, slow down and use listening skills to communicate that you are hearing what your spouse says. Reflect back to them with statements like “So, I hear you saying is . . .(and then repeat what you have heard.) Or just listen; you may learn something new.
Arguments are inevitable in any relationship, especially if you’re married. But there are ways of keeping arguments at a minimum (or even avoiding them altogether). First, focus on talking about issues rather than venting emotions. Second, try not to be condescending or sarcastic when speaking with your spouse. Third, avoid criticizing your spouse too harshly; while it’s important to address problems within a marriage, be gentle when doing so.
Trust Mistake: Thinking trust is given, not earned
Don’t make the mistake of believing that you are owed trust. Let’s get one thing straight: trust is a by-product of being trustworthy. That is one of the top-rated attributes people look for in a spouse.
Being a man or woman of your word is crucial for a healthy marriage. Nothing undermines a marriage faster than not being trustworthy. Trust isn’t something that you demand from your spouse or anyone else for that matter. So don’t say “You don’t trust me.” Say “What am I doing that leads you to believe that I’m not trustworthy?”, And then be willing to examine your own behavior.
On the flip side, there will be times when your spouse will surprise you, make you angry or upset—it’s only natural and it may appear that they are not being trustworthy. Instead of reacting with fear, give them the benefit of the doubt if they are willing to live transparently and not hiding anything. Their intentions are probably good. Their mistakes don’t define them as a person. Over time, your trust will strengthen your bond together.
Honesty Mistake: Little white lies do not matter
Be honest with your partner. Without honesty, it’s hard for a marriage to thrive. Even if you think telling the truth will hurt their feelings, it’s better than letting them live in a fantasy world where they believe something that isn’t true. Although you want your partner to be happy, sometimes they can only find happiness by accepting something that hurts their feelings or that makes them sad.
Loyalty Mistake: Not cheating is the only thing that matters
Loyalty is one of those virtues that gets thrown around a lot, especially in relation to marriage. Sadly, people (and even couples) sometimes forget it’s important—and end up making arrogant marriage mistakes as a result. It’s good that you wouldn’t cheat on your spouse. That’s loyalty at its greatest, but being faithful in the small things is loyalty at its finest, and it builds a connection between you and your spouse that isn’t easily undermined. Not being loyal leads to micro-cheating, which leads to your relationship being vulnerable to an affair. It matters! Protect your relationship.
The Unlimited-Grace Mistake: You have to love me
Talk about attitude. Being married doesn’t give you license to do whatever you want just because you know your spouse is called to love you. That’s not how it works. Our homes can be a place of rest, reconciliation, safety, and growth. But it takes sacrifice and following the guidelines that the Bible sets for relationships. That means putting down your preconceived ideas about what your spouse should do when you are less than loving.
No one likes a critic. Whether you’re married or just starting out as a couple, avoid being condescending towards your spouse. It will erode connection like a slow moving stream erodes the river bed. Think about it from their perspective: if your partner is doing something that bothers you, ask yourself how you would want them to communicate that behavior if they were to begin with you. In most cases, your partner is probably not being intentionally difficult—if you assume otherwise, chances are good that your relationship will suffer as a result.
How to repair these arrogant marriage mistakes
There is only one way to repair these mistakes. Say you’re sorry and ask for forgiveness. Then, try hard not to do it again.
How to avoid these arrogant marriage mistakes
There are two main ways to avoid these mistakes: (1) make your home a Christ-centered place, and (2) keep building the relationship between you and your spouse.
“The home is society’s forge” ~Ryan Frederick (Fierce Marriage)
What happens in a forge? Something is created. A furnace forge is a place where knives and swords are made. It can be said that people forge relationships. So think about the things that are being made or torn down in your home.
Make your home a Godly place.
This starts by praying for your spouse and yourself. Ask God to transform your heart toward your spouse. Ask God for wisdom in creating an atmosphere in your home where each of you can grow. Begin to pray with your spouse. Here’s a guide to praying with your spouse.
If you don’t know where to start, begin to consider these basic Biblical points:
The intimacy mistake: Philippians 2:3, Do nothing out of rivalry or conceit, but in humility consider others as more important than yourselves.
The communication mistake: James 1:19, My dearly loved brothers, understand this: Everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger
The Trust mistake: Luke 6:31 reminds us, And as you wish that others would do to you, do so to them.
The honesty mistake: Colossians 3:9 says, Do not lie to one another, seeing that you have put off the old self with its practices. This is true in both words and actions.
The loyalty mistake: In Luke 16:10 Jesus says, “If you are faithful in little things, you will be faithful in large ones. But if you are dishonest in little things, you won’t be honest with greater responsibilities.”
The unlimited grace mistake: Ephesians 4:1 says to walk worthy of the calling you have received in the Lord. And James 5:9 reminds us, Brothers, do not complain about one another so that you will not be judged. Look, the judge stands at the door!
Keep building the relationship.
Many of the tasks in the above list also help build the relationship too, because when you become closer to God, you will also become closer to your spouse. But here are a few marriage-related tips that will support a good relationship
- Listen before you speak, and keep anger at bay. James 1:19
- Speak your expectations politely beforehand. Your spouse can’t read your mind.
- Work to see situations from your spouse’s point of view. That doesn’t mean they are right/wrong, etc. It just makes it easier for you as a couple to walk through frustrations and disagreements.
- Don’t Let Frustration Fester. Ephesians 4:26
- Speak Affirmations to your spouse. Proverbs 25:11
- Work together without Arrogance. Philippians 2:3
- The following can be found in the 12th chapter of Romans
- Work together without Arrogance
- Help Each Other to Grow
- Encourage One Another
Read more on creating harmony in marriage.
What can you and your spouse forge? A Christ-centered home? An unbreakable bond? God gives our spouses to complete us, to assist in creating a better version of ourselves than we can be on our own, and to further the kingdom that He is calling us to be a part of.
Remember that Love covers a multitude of sin, even arrogant marriage mistakes like the ones listed above. Watch this play out in your marriage as you seek to be more like Christ.