Kindness to your spouse may be the “spoon full of sugar that helps the medicine go down.” (You’all are singing that song, aren’t you? I did. 😊 ) Kindness affords wonderful things. It builds emotional trust and paves the way for reciprocity within a relationship. You know the old adage of what goes around comes around? It applies well here.

But, why is it so hard to be nice to those closest to us?  We don’t mean to be rude or short-tempered. Maybe—or maybe we do because that’s how we’ve learned to get what we want! Well, there’s a better way that leads to greater connection, better communication, and deeper intimacy.

Here is a few Scriptures about the subject:

1Co 13:4

Eph 4:32

Pro 11:17

Questions for Thought:

What is kindness?

Who does it benefit?

So, if we know what it is and who it benefits, why do we often find it so hard to be kind to those closest to us?

*Just a quick note:  we’re talking about people who are not struggling with addictions or mental health issues.

The #1 reason it is so hard to be kind to our spouse is EXPECTATIONS!

You expect your spouse to be there for you emotionally, physically, or behaviorally.

At the same time

Your spouse expects home to be a place where you can relax both physically and mentally.

There is nothing wrong with these expectations in and of themselves. They are both good expectations and either can true of a husband or a wife.  But the key is the “At The Same Time” part.

Picture this little scenario, or maybe you don’t have to picture it because you have LIVED IT! (Comment below and let me know how it went and how you think it could have gone better.)

Ok on to the scenario:

Your Dear Hubby (DH) comes home from work. HE is ready to relax both physically and mentally. Refuel and unwind from the day.  But, your expectation is for him to talk with you about some things that happened in your day (supporting you emotionally), after all, he is the only Adult person you have spoken with all day!

Or How about this little scene?

You have worked all day, you pick up the kids from the sitter and arrive home 45 minuets after your DH. The expectation is that he would help with supper or the house, or something. DH’s expectation is that it’s time to unwind and have a fun evening that includes a little somethin’-somethin’. Not what you had planned.

Do you see how these expectations clash? Not that there is anything wrong with any of the expectations, it’s just a timing thing!

How do you fix it?

Talk about expectations while being kind to each other. Simple, I know. But it works!!

TWEET it:   “The most destructive thing to a marriage is unmet, unspoken expectations.”

For more on being kind see blog post on How to Be A Kinder Person.

Have comments or questions? Comment below or Join the community at FB Confident Wife for some more resources being kind.

Photo by Jonathan Sharp on Unsplash